The Rollercoaster

I knew things were bad when the doctor came and talked to me about a DNR order (Do Not Revive). My stomach had been in knots since Wednesday when things quickly seemed to go downhill for Mom. By Friday night, I was very worried and by Saturday, no one who saw her expected her to make it through the weekend.
I called my siblings and told them they had better come.
On Saturday night, as the sun was setting behind the Kansas Speedway, which we can see from Mom's hospital bed, I sat close to her head and stroked her hair. I told her I loved her and that I wasn't ready for her yet to go, that I never would be, but that I would understand if she was.
It was important for me to tell her that I didn't want her suffering if she was just going on because she didn't think I could handle her being gone.
"You and Dad were the best parents anyone could have hoped for. You raised me right, you prepared me to handle challenges and loss. I will miss you, but if you're too tired to fight anymore, I..and everyone will understand."
I told her again about hospice and our options.
She told me in no uncertain terms that she wants to continue the fight. I relayed that to her doctor yesterday and we started a more aggressive course that will keep her from starving (she hasn't had an appetite and malnutrition was becoming a factor in her weakening state).
She was better yesterday and even better today.
We have a long journey ahead of us but all we can do is take it one hour at a time. Then maybe we can get to one day at a time.
And whatever the outcome, we will have done it together.