Mothers and Their Daughters
You know the saying about not being able to pick your relatives.
Fortunately for me and my husband, we chose the route that allowed us to pick our daughters. We decided early on for many reasons that we didn't want biological children, so we decided to take on two exchange daughters for a year at a time.
I knew the first time I saw both of our daughters that they were special. I was right. Steffi is our oldest. Our German daughter from Munich is a talented artist and photographer; brilliant, especially in languages and she lights up any room when she's in it.
Meg-Ann, our Australian daughter from near Melbourne, is outgoing and fun, a talented graphic artist. She makes friends easily and when she lived with us, our house was full all of the time.
Both of our daughters have a keen sense of love and loyalty. They are both very close to their biological families and 17 and 15 years later, remain very close to their American one a half a world away.
In recent years, Steffi has went through the loss of both of her grandparents in Germany, two people with whom she shared a very special bond. Her grandparents had two daughters, Steffi's mother and aunt. Steffi and her sister were their only grandchildren.
When Steffi came to live with us, we had contact not only with her biological mother, but her grandparents as well. They were the ones who first made us realize we had a very precious person in our care.
Last year, when Steffi's grandfather was so ill, Steffi took turns with her mother and aunt going everyday to feed and care for him. Toward the end, they took turns staying the night with him, so when the time came, he would not be alone. Although he was already in a skilled nursing center, they didn't leave the care of their father and grandfather to strangers. It was stressful for Steffi, who has a high-level career in the insurance business, as it was for her mother, a teacher. But through the stress and sadness they stuck together and helped him, while they were there for each other.
My mother sometimes laments about the breakdown of the traditional family. Yet here's an example of a very "non-traditional" one (my husband is the only person Steffi's ever called Dad) and these 3 people who share more than DNA are a sterling example that sometimes it takes more than the traditional figures to create a functional family.
Meg-Ann's family in Australia are just as close. Meg and her sister are both married and her sister has two children, but their family still gets together and even vacations with one another.
Their compassion and love extend to their American family, as they often ask about their American grandmother and even send her cards and letters.
Steffi once told me that if I ever found myself alone, she would take care of me. If I can get myself to Germany, I might someday have to take her up on it. If I do, I know she will be there for me.
I can't take credit for Steffi and Meg-Ann's caring nature, that was already present when they came to us. But they have served as role models to me on how we should be caring for our elderly.
Everyone should be so lucky as to be able to choose their daughters and sons, but for those parents who did not, I think the one thing we can do for them when they can no longer do for themselves is to act as if they had.
Fortunately for me and my husband, we chose the route that allowed us to pick our daughters. We decided early on for many reasons that we didn't want biological children, so we decided to take on two exchange daughters for a year at a time.
I knew the first time I saw both of our daughters that they were special. I was right. Steffi is our oldest. Our German daughter from Munich is a talented artist and photographer; brilliant, especially in languages and she lights up any room when she's in it.
Meg-Ann, our Australian daughter from near Melbourne, is outgoing and fun, a talented graphic artist. She makes friends easily and when she lived with us, our house was full all of the time.
Both of our daughters have a keen sense of love and loyalty. They are both very close to their biological families and 17 and 15 years later, remain very close to their American one a half a world away.
In recent years, Steffi has went through the loss of both of her grandparents in Germany, two people with whom she shared a very special bond. Her grandparents had two daughters, Steffi's mother and aunt. Steffi and her sister were their only grandchildren.
When Steffi came to live with us, we had contact not only with her biological mother, but her grandparents as well. They were the ones who first made us realize we had a very precious person in our care.
Last year, when Steffi's grandfather was so ill, Steffi took turns with her mother and aunt going everyday to feed and care for him. Toward the end, they took turns staying the night with him, so when the time came, he would not be alone. Although he was already in a skilled nursing center, they didn't leave the care of their father and grandfather to strangers. It was stressful for Steffi, who has a high-level career in the insurance business, as it was for her mother, a teacher. But through the stress and sadness they stuck together and helped him, while they were there for each other.
My mother sometimes laments about the breakdown of the traditional family. Yet here's an example of a very "non-traditional" one (my husband is the only person Steffi's ever called Dad) and these 3 people who share more than DNA are a sterling example that sometimes it takes more than the traditional figures to create a functional family.
Meg-Ann's family in Australia are just as close. Meg and her sister are both married and her sister has two children, but their family still gets together and even vacations with one another.
Their compassion and love extend to their American family, as they often ask about their American grandmother and even send her cards and letters.
Steffi once told me that if I ever found myself alone, she would take care of me. If I can get myself to Germany, I might someday have to take her up on it. If I do, I know she will be there for me.
I can't take credit for Steffi and Meg-Ann's caring nature, that was already present when they came to us. But they have served as role models to me on how we should be caring for our elderly.
Everyone should be so lucky as to be able to choose their daughters and sons, but for those parents who did not, I think the one thing we can do for them when they can no longer do for themselves is to act as if they had.
posted by Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell at 5:31 AM
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